To my younger distressed self

At the end of each year during my time at UC Berkeley, I take time to reflect on the lessons learned, the ups and the downs and present my final thoughts to a modest following of Facebook friends. Over the past few years, these life lessons have grown both in length and depth. Thinking back to who I was when I first started writing these posts at the end of my freshman year, I like to imagine that they reflect a growing understanding of what gratitude and self-appreciation means.

It’s fun to look back at the past. Reading through the emoji-filled posts and fun photos that accompanied each round of reflection always led to me searching through my phone to text friends, “Remember when?” But now, as I read through them and place myself back in the shoes of a once younger me, there’s so much more I wish I had captured. So much more I wish I shared, realized and accepted at the time.

I, like so many others, have had a tumultuous relationship with UC Berkeley. Our eyes inevitably turned from starry-eyed during those first weeks of school, to weary, and maybe disillusioned, as we pushed ourselves to our limits. For many, success remains an ideal defined by a predetermined end goal — declaring a major, landing an internship or acing a midterm among other things. It’s incredibly easy to get wrapped up in this hyper-competitive atmosphere and lose yourself in the process amid a desire to place yourself on a level comparable to that of your more “successful” peers. I can’t count the number of times I’ve let my “failures” paralyze me, but of course, you wouldn’t expect that when scrolling through my cheerful reflection of my first two years of undergrad.

To my younger distressed self, I tell you this:

Challenge your meaning of success. By your meaning of success, I mean exactly that — not your parent’s, not your friend’s, but yours and yours alone. Success doesn’t have to be grounded in the ability to accomplish something that you can put on your resume. Don’t discount yourself, but rather redefine your idea of success to include you in it.

Take pride in all your victories, both small and large. Your time here at UC Berkeley will inevitably come with its fair share of crises, and you owe it to yourself to celebrate you. Go out and have fun; you deserve it. In periods of disillusionment, it’s important you identify something to be thankful for. I know it’s hard, but trust me — there’s always something. Use that to steady yourself for the next mountain you have yet to climb.

Embrace the uncertainty. You chose UC Berkeley knowing that you’d be breaking away from your family’s well-established career paths. Admitting uncertainty is not a welcome topic in your regular conversations with those back at home. Feelings of uncertainty most often follow failure, but it’s also closely tied to moments of success and impending opportunity. Be flexible and try to see the good in what’s to come. Continue to be inspired by those around you, and don’t worry too much about “choosing the right path.” There’s always opportunity down the line, so long as you look for it.

One last thing, remember who you are — your values, your community, your well-being, your passions. UC Berkeley is hard, but don’t lose yourself while you’re here. You’ll change, that’s for sure, so use this time while you have it to explore who you are. It’s more fun being you, so prioritize you, and your future self will thank you for it.

I wonder how things would be different if only I took this advice to heart when people offered a version of it to me years ago. Regardless, I think I’ve come to the same outcome albeit with a few more bumps and bruises than I’d like to admit to. My UC Berkeley story is fortunately not one of adversity, but one of learning how to be resilient and how to give myself the chance to become a more happy, patient and kind person to others and to myself.

Before coming to college, I wrote a letter to future me that I received just a couple months ago. It’s crazy to think that amid all that I’ve learned and all that’s changed, I’m still grappling with some of the same questions that I’d hoped future me would have figured out by now, including the infamous, “What makes you truly happy?” As I step away from UC Berkeley, I like to think that I have figured out a bit more about myself to help address that question, and that the lessons I’ve learned better position me to figure this out in the uncertain times that lie ahead. I’m proud of how much I’ve grown at UC Berkeley and what I’ve been able to achieve. I like to think that younger me would be proud, too.

Thank you to my Residential Life, The Daily Californian and Pi Sigma Epsilon families, which have brought me much joy and happiness at UC Berkeley. It goes without saying — thank you to the countless individuals who have mentored, guided and supported me on my journey. Go Bears!